Grief, As Deep As the Ocean
by fanfic-addict21
Summary: When Percy loses someone, he retreats to a place he feels he belongs. But sometimes life doesn't happen quite the way you plan. Percy/Annabeth, slight Percy/Nico, and slight Percy/OC. Also, a child.
1. Chapter 1

The final battle with Gaea

Nico is stabbed with a spear by his father's enemy. He has a pierced lung.

Hazel runs over to him and drops onto her knees at his side, already fumbling in her pockets for some ambrosia.

"No – no use," he wheezes, blood already starting to stain his mouth red. "Percy, I need Percy. Please, I have to tell him…"

Hazel stares, aghast, but Jason overhears, and hastily grabs Percy and hustles him over to Nico, mindlessly defending from enemies that begin to swarm them. "Go!" he yells over the din of the fighting. "It's important, Percy!"

Percy skids to his knees and cradles his arm around Nico's shoulders, forcing ambrosia between his lips despite Nico's protests, of "It's too late."

Percy has something in his eye. He swears, just a dust mote, or a… something that isn't a tear. "You can't die! You're the Ghost King. We need you here, your friends, we need you, come on buddy, stay with us. You have too many hit points to die now, Di Angelo."

"I have to tell you… have to (couch-blood splatter) I wish you had loved me the way I did you, but I don't hate Annabeth, just … I love you and I'm okay with that, now. Thought you should know, so I can die happy."

"Die-" Percy's voice cracked and those were definitely tears washing white tracks down his sweat and soot-stained face. "Please, no."

Nico smiled weakly and coughed again. "Mythomagic," he mutters, head lolling back. "Hit points, heh!" He coughs again, blood flowing darkly from his mouth.

Percy has never felt so… so. Nico is dear to him, and his life is seeping away, and he, Percy, was the most important person to this kid. And Percy can't do a damn thing to save him. But there is something.

"Yeah," he says softly, salty tears dripping from his chin. "Happy, right." And Percy screws up his nerve and closes his eyes and kisses Nico on the mouth.

- - Because that's how he would want to go, with the person he loved holding him and kissing him as his last thought before oblivion. –

Nico dies with an expression of such tender awe and radiant joy. Percy is shaking. The feeling, it's not going away, swelling up into anger and rage and such, such pain.

The half bloods had never seen anything as scary as Percy Jackson when he let go of Nico's body and stood up shaking, fists clenched. His blank eyes and mouth smeared with the lifeblood of the son of Hades were a gruesome vision that haunted many dreams afterward. Then they realized that Percy wasn't the one shaking. Or rather, he was.

The Son of the Earthshaker stood upon that battlefield, and Gaea was shaking. He pointed Riptide at her and cried a harsh cry full of pain and vengeance and devastation and fury.

There is nothing left. The battle is over. Percy's ears are ringing and he stumbles. There is so much blood all over him. Someone tries to help him sit, to lead him by the arms somewhere, he doesn't know. Someone blond.

"Wash," he croaks. He must have been yelling something fierce for the way his throat felt. He couldn't hear anything but the ringing. "Gotta wash, I'm gonna go wash, okay? Just wash up this this bl-" he chokes, stumbles again and sobs once, not able to think or say the word, because he saw it bubbling up from _his_ lungs, and that couldn't be true, it _wasn't fair_ – Someone's hands are on him again, but he shakes them off and lurches toward the comforting scent of salt.

He walks right into the water, despite the protests of that blond person, (was it Annabeth?) He didn't want to see her – anyone- he couldn't- just-

the blood swirls around his feet and ankles and his leather sandals are turning black and now his battle skirt and the red leaches out of his orange shirt and water dissolves the stiffness of the dried blood on his jaw and the ocean closes over his head like a father's comforting embrace.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees a shark interested in the scent of blood, but the great and terrible swell of emotion _pulses _and that shark can't swim away from Percy fast enough.

Down, down, down, to the black depths. Black as hair, black as blood, black as nothingness. It matches his emotion, this nameless painful _thing_ he feels trying to burst from his chest. Background thoughts run through his mind about the battle, all his battles, history, Greeks, blond Annabeth, and blond Jason, and the first time he ever saw that kid with the Mythomagic cards, and the last time he saw that kid's sister, and wondering how deep the Marianas trench actually is, and how they had measured it. He touched the bottom, laid his head against the cold hard rock of the deepest part of the ocean. The closest part to Hades, he thought.

The emotion, that nameless and painful torrent, broke free. In the back of his mind, he wondered if tears were more or less salty than ocean water and if the concentration of salt was higher down here and if so, was he diluting the water? The thoughts scrambled around his head, trying and failing to distract him from the pain. Nico Di Angelo was no more. He had loved Percy and Percy had not known; had never been good enough to Nico, not the day he met him, or the day he promised to keep his sister safe, not the day he failed. And failed again. And failed again. And Nico had loved him? What kind of person was Percy, to never-

He bangs his head into the rocky bottom of the trench. Nothing moves. Nothing lives down there in the inky frozen vastness. Percy lets the black take him.


	2. Chapter 2

Annabeth paces up and down the beach, past the driftwood campfire that the survivors had scrounged up and were sprawled around, in various states of fatigue and bandaging. Jason is propped up on his elbow, watching her. She glares at him on every pass, like it's his fault that Percy isn't with them. Jason is grimly amused for a moment and then the reality of all the deaths intrudes and he isn't amused anymore, just grim. "Quit wearing yourself out, Annabeth. Come and rest. Percy will come back when he comes back. It's probably better for him to be in the water. It'll heal him better than ambrosia, which we were running low on anyway. Don't worry about him. He'll be fine"

She huffs but flings herself down on the sand, conceding his point.

"-" Jason opens his mouth to say something else, but she whips her head around to glare at him again, and he shuts up. She huffs again, and puts her head down on her arms.

The blackness is all-consuming. Percy drifts, not knowing how to tell the difference between waking and not, and not caring. It's all empty, just like him.

He's been gone a month. Jason feels bad for Annabeth, mourning the deaths of many and the loss of one, her most important one. He understands why she's surly and tense about everything. He suggests going to visit Percy's mom. She doesn't want to admit that it's a good suggestion, merely because he, Jason, made it. Soon after they returned to Camp Half-Blood, he came clean to her about Eros and Nico and Percy and their last exchange on the battlefield; and she, for some reason, blames him for what happened. But she goes to see Sally Jackson anyway.

Sally is mildly concerned, but points out that Percy is in his element (quite literally) and he knows how to take care of himself, and maybe he just needs time and space to grieve. Annabeth says, "If he shows up here, give me a call, please?" Sally nods sadly and ushers the girl out.

Annabeth doesn't get out of her bunk for a week.

Percy sees green and blue, dark still, but he has floated up from the bottom, and he doesn't have the will to go back down. He still feels empty, washed out, and when he contemplates going to the surface, because it's the right thing to do, and they are surely missing him, his empty chest spasms with phantom pain, and he doesn't want to go up there, doesn't want to face anyone, or even see anyone that will remind him of the fight and the blood and the death. He lays in a niche in the side of an underwater cliff and tries not to feel anything or think of anything.

He isn't hungry and he cannot remember the last time he ate. He feels weak. He rouses himself enough to catch a small fish before he gets too weak to move. It's salty and sweet – he doesn't cook it. A couple hours later, he catches another one.

He swims here and there, foraging for food, going through the motions of life. He leaves his sandals and battle skirt behind; they aren't any help to him swimming. Under the sea is strange, but lovely, and Percy decides he likes it. He decides that he wants to see every corner of it, his new home.

His face itches where beard is growing in scraggly patches. Whatever, he thinks.

He still has surf shorts with pockets and his orange camp shirt to wear and it amuses him to wonder what the other sea creatures think of his markings. He swims with sharks which can never stop moving forward, and he gets to know the pods of orcas and whales, and dolphins sometimes. The dolphins are too happy for him to spend much time with, and otters. He wonders if it's a mammal thing.

Four months after he walked into the sea, he stumbles upon his first mer enclave. They all know that he is a son of the Sea God and they treat him like a long-lost relative. They feed him sea salad and tuna steaks. This particular tribe of mer have phosphorescent streaks in their skin, which Percy finds fascinating. A lovely red and copper maid flicks her tail and makes eyes at him over her bare shoulder. When he smiles at her, the thought "Annabeth…" intrudes, but he shuts it out of his mind. He will not walk on land again, or see her face. That was his old life. He gives chase to that copper tail, and catches her pretty easily for a guy with no fins.

He has rounded Africa and is enjoying the Indian Ocean, moseying here and there, finding all the tiny islands and staying far away from human inhabitants. It's been six months since he has spoken a word. He is mostly content, until night when he cannot escape dreams of his old life. When he wakes, he puts them out of his mind, determined to start each day fresh. He sleeps in a bubble of air, because although he can sleep in and breathe the water, it is disorienting to wake up with water in his lungs when he breathed air for the first 17 years of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been two years since he left his old life for this new one. The Pacific Ocean was nice, and the chilly waters above Russia weren't bad either. His clothes are beginning to tatter. His hair is long and waves in the water as prettily as any mer. His beard has grown in as well. He thinks that he probably looks like his dad, who has left him mostly alone on his trek through the oceans. Percy has decided that he wants to live in the Atlantic for a while. Just out of whimsy, he visits that mer enclave again, the first one.

He sends a school of fish to let them know he is coming to visit. When he gets to town, there is gossip of a suicide, and lots of mer clam up as he passes. He manages to hear that it was a maid who swam down to a part of the ocean with too much pressure to survive. Finally he asks the leader of the enclave what is going on, and why is he being looked at suspiciously.

The merman looks at him grimly, and says, "Come. I will show you." They swim up to the surface. Percy wants to ask more questions, but the merchief's face is hard and unyielding. They swim up to a small island with a nice grotto. Sitting on the beach of this small island (not much more than a sandbar with a few bushes on it) is a boy. "He cannot breathe underwater," is all the merchief says before backing away.

Percy lays a foot on dry land for the first time in two years. He is trembling. The boy has purple hair and phosphorescent streaks of the palest green. Normal for a merchild.

And legs. With feet.

Percy's own legs give out and he sits abruptly.

The toddler looks at him and sucks his chubby fist. Then the kid pulls it out of his mouth and says, "Mama?"

And Percy cannot breathe. He cannot think.

From behind him the merchief says, "Congratulations, my friend." His tone is the driest and most bitter thing Percy has heard, ever. Then, with a touch more compassion, the chief asks, "What will you do now?"

Percy hears himself answer, "I've got to take him onto land to raise, somewhere bigger than this."

'New York' bounces around the humid salty air, unspoken.

"Good Luck," the chief finally offers. "Fare well." And with a splash of his tail, he is gone.

Percy sits on the strip of land a while longer, just staring at the little guy.

His son.


	4. Chapter 4

p class="MsoNormal"***/p 


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: this was hard to write - had to wait until I was pissed off at the world before it came to me. How's my characterization of Annabeth (et al)? Hope you enjoy!**

"You know, I told Annabeth that I would call her if I had any news of you, Percy," Sally says the next morning as she clears the breakfast dishes to the sink.

"Did you?" Percy is alarmed and Jonah looks up from chasing his cheerios around the table.

"Not yet. I figured you would need to talk to her too, so I'm leaving it up to you to give her family a call, see if she's there. Or, visit the camp maybe?"

Percy is at a loss for words. He hadn't thought he would ever see her again. But here his mom is, subtly threatening to call Annabeth if he doesn't. _Would it be better to have Mom break the news of Jonah to Annabeth? Either way, she will probably be angry. I really ought to have sent a note or something to tell the landspeople that I never intended to come back. But I'm not about to hide behind my mom, even though Annabeth is downright scary sometimes. Maybe I could go to Camp Half-Blood and not see her there, but lead Mom to believe that I've fulfilled her promise of contacting Annabeth anyway? Well, Jason had said he would go Greek, and I do want to see Jason again. Jason might understand. If all else fails, I can hide behind him._

"Y'know, I think I will go for a visit. I'll tell Annabeth you said hello." _If she's there_.

Sally beamed. "Let me help you pack a diaper bag!"

_Oh, Gods._

With Jonah strapped into a carrier on his back, and the strap of the manliest diaper bag over his shoulder (It had duckies – but at least it wasn't pastel) Percy climbs the hill past Peleus and the Golden Fleece. The valley looks the same as ever but feels so different. Taking a deep breath, Percy descends.

His first stop is at his cabin. Since school is already in session (It's been two years and change since the battle on the 1st of August, now early October), the place is practically deserted. The few demigods Percy sees are not anyone he recognizes. It's almost time for Jonah's nap. He's not sure where the morning went, but the missing time is probably stashed somewhere in the bowels of the black hole, AKA the diaper bag - right next to the super first aid kit and the farm implements.

As soon as he ducks his head in through the door of Cabin 3, Jonah says, "Mama?" hopefully and with a quaver. Percy's heart drops into his shoes. Of course this place reminds Jonah of the ocean, just like it reminds Percy.

"No, kiddo, Mama isn't here. I'm sorry bud. Would you like an animal cracker?" Sometimes distraction works. Jonah's face crumples and he sniffs hard three times and shakes his head no, in a manful two-year-old attempt to not cry. It doesn't work. Percy untangles the strappy carrier thing and tosses it away so he can hold the little guy close. It doesn't help. Jonah is tired and he really misses his mama, and there isn't anything Percy can do except hold him. Jonah is sad, usually, but this time he is mad. Percy feels for the little guy, because as hard as it is to grow up without a dad, it's gotta be twice as hard to lose your mom.

Jonah is shrieking and arching his back in a full-on temper tantrum. Some of the sounds he is emitting are too high for the human ear to hear, like the sounds dolphins make, but Percy can hear them. The fountain cracks in two and hits the floor, shattering. Percy thinks, _"Oh crap, powers,"_ as he tries to comfort (subdue) the thrashing, surprisingly strong toddler. _"The old man of the sea got nothing on this monster,"_ is another thought that flits through Percy's mind.

Eventually Jonah wears himself out. Red-faced, gasping, whimpering, and shaking, he falls asleep with a handful of Percy's hair in his chubby fist and his face mashed up against the huge salty, wet, and snotty patch on the front of Percy's shirt. _"Ah, glamorous parenthood," _says Nico's voice in Percy's brain. This has happened a few times: snide comments with good vocabulary that definitely did not belong to Percy, in the voice of his lost friend. Percy very carefully leans back on his bed. Jonah clutches him desperately in his sleep, pulling Percy's hair. Percy grimaces and mouths, "Ow!" silently before continuing to recline even more slowly and carefully.

Just as his shoulders hit the pillow, a head pops into the doorway and asks, "Do you want help hiding the body of whoever just got murdered in here?"

Percy glares at Leo and hisses, "Shhhhh!"

Leo's eyes get very big. "Dude," he whispers, "does that kid have _purple_ hair? And _glow-in-the-dark_ spots?"

The dreaded Annabeth is the next in, "What –!" she begins in a normal voice before Percy's glare and Leo's frantic miming of silence stop her. She continues in a softer voice, "Please tell me you did NOT steal a baby, Percy."

"Uh." Percy eloquently begins. Leo's shoulders are shaking and his face is in his hands.

"Hey!" says Jason's voice just outside, "Is he back, guys?"

"Shhhh!" say Leo and Annabeth. Jason and Piper step looks back at Percy expectantly. "Well? Where did he come from?"

"You see," Leo begins in a low voice, tight with suppressed laughter, "When a Mommy and a Daddy love each other very much, they –" and Jason smacks him in the back of the head.

Annabeth just keeps looking at Percy. "Uh," he says again. They are all looking at him now. "What Leo said?" he offers sheepishly. "Minus the, uh, um… His mother was a mermaid that I… uh, I just found out about him?"

Annabeth's eyes are like the most destructive storm clouds Percy has ever imagined. Jonah twitches and curls his hand tighter into the small hairs at the back of Percy's neck.

Leo looks like he wants to make some inappropriate joke but is scared of Annabeth. Jason's eyebrows are raised in what might be "How could you, man?" or "Damn, he gets around!" (Probably the first.) Piper is glancing between Annabeth and the baby who she really wants to admire and hold because that's what you do with babies. Annabeth takes a deep breath and Percy holds his own breath, waiting to hear what she will say, but she turns abruptly on her heel and stalks out of Cabin 3.

"You better talk to her," Piper says, eyes wide. "I can hold him if you want. Him, right? What's his name?"

"Jonah," says Percy as he carefully extricates his hair from the sleeping baby's fingers. He says nothing more, but dashes out of the door, face grim.


	6. Chapter 6

Percy sprints after Annabeth, and when he is close enough, Annabeth turns and tries to judo flip him like she's done before. However, Percy put on 30 pounds or so of solid muscle weight during his one and a half circumnavigations of the earth's oceans, and also learned how to move with the flow. Annabeth misses and falls down on her hands and knees, all that curly blond hair hiding her face. She is mad and crying just like Jonah was earlier, but Percy can't hold her or comfort her, because he is the one who has hurt her.

"Annabeth," he begins tentatively. She glares through her hair at him and turns her shoulder in a gesture of 'I'm-not-listening-to-anything-you-say' but she's not running away. "Annabeth, I wasn't coming back," he says gently.

She whips her head around and her jaw drops, "What – never?"

"Never," Percy confirms miserably.

"What the – why did you, then?" she snaps.

"He can't breathe underwater."

"Your…" she seems unwilling to put a word to what Jonah is.

"My son. Who I just found out about after his mother committed suicide because she heard I was visiting their enclave again. My son, who is the most important person to me ever, and who I will never give up for anyone or any reason."

Annabeth is still mad. "Fair enough, I suppose," she spits. "So, what, you came to rub it in, or what?"

Percy rubs his eyes and mutters, "I should have just let my mom call you like she wanted."

"How was I supposed to know that we broke up when you just walked away into the water, huh? Or was our break up when you kissed that _boy_? You could have had the decency to notify me that you were going to break my heart, but no. You didn't even think of me, did you? I bet you don't even feel guilty about f-f-f***ing that fish!" She stutters over the swear word that she has never used before.

Percy can see where she's coming from, but her accusations have gotten his blood up. Most of the things that want to come bubbling up from that knot in his chest and spew out of his mouth are unforgivable. He almost doesn't care. Which means he cares a little bit, so what actually comes out is, "Mermaids aren't fish; they're mammals."

"That's what you think is important here!" she shrieks, jumping to her feet. "You, you – utter imbecile!"

Suddenly Jason is there beside her. He takes her arm and says something in her ear, nudging her in the direction of the Athena cabin. She doesn't want to go, so her gives her a shove, and says, "Let me take care of him, Annabeth. Go meditate." She glares at Percy, and then turns her stiff-as-a-ramrod back to him and stalks away.

Jason turns his considering gaze onto Percy. Percy gulps.

AN: So how was that? Emotional roller coaster for poor Percy. Sometimes I don't understand women, and I am one. I know this and the last chapter were both semi-cliffhangers... sorry (only partly)


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